Real Life Talk Show Episode

I remember seeing an episode of the Maury Povich show a couple years ago, I think the title of the show was something like "I am deathly affraid of balloons and its ruining my life!" On the show Maury brought out these people who were affraid of balloons, snakes, spiders, clowns, hair and kittens, talked to them about their phobia, brought out whatever it was that they were affraid of and then chased after them with the camera and a microphone as they ran all over the studio to get away from what ever it was. I remember thinking, "ok, spiders, snakes, even clowns I can see, but they must have hired these people that say they're affraid of balloons, hair and kittens." Well, as for the kittens, I stand corrected. The other day I saw the smallest, cutest little kitten walking in the road crying, no mother cat in sight. I didn't want the cute little guy to become street pizza plus I have a couple friends who had mentioned they wanted a cat to keep mice, lizards and scorpions (a whole other story) out of their huts, so I picked her up and brought her home. This kitten is adorable, small enough to fit in the palm of one hand, but on her way back to my house we were able to make grown men and women run for their lives. All I had to do was hold her and bring her within 5 meters of one man and he started yelling, turned and fled. The little kids aren't any better, they start screaming and crying, one little girl nearly fell on her head trying to escape the beast. They are affraid that the cat will bite and scratch them, or at least thats what they say. I have to confess that she does bite me quite regularly when she mistakes my finger for something she can nurse, but it doesn't hurt. Now I'm starting to wonder if more stuff isn't the real thing on 'Springer' as well.

Respecting elders part 2

There is a second part to this respecting elders tradition that is definitely much different from the family I grew up in. The hierarchy of the nuclear family and the behavior that results is something that might be found unusual to most outsiders.

I have two younger sisters, and here in Senegal, that would give me quite a bit of influence over them in that if I told them to do something, answer the phone, get me a drink of water, run to the store to get me something, they would have to do it, ideally without complaint. What actually happens with my sisters? If they are feeling kind, they’ll do it upon request, if they’re feeling somewhat kind they’ll begrudgingly do it, complaining a little, and if its an average day, they’ll tell me to get it myself.

My youngest host-sister, Maguette, is always fetching things for people, she has 4 older siblings, 2 parents and 1 grandparent that are always requesting stuff. She’s getting into her teenage years so her fetching is not always unaccompanied by bickering. So the higher up on the food chain you are, the less you have to do for yourself. Its still a little confusing with the gender differences because the oldest in the family is my host-sister Fatim and she does quite a bit of house work when she’s visiting from University in Dakar.

If anything is certain, it is that my host-dad is king of his castle, though he technically has to obey his mother. When he is home, he doesn’t lift a finger. My host-brothers open the gate for his car, set out his chair and the tv for him to watch the news and the thing that surprises me every time is that he will walk right past the phone when its ringing so that someone lower on the food chain will answer it. My host-mom serves him his dinner first out of everyone and if there is anything lacking in his service he will proceed to berate whoever is at fault. This berating, people tell me, is the Senegalese way of encouraging but that doesn’t stop me from feeling uncomfortable when he asks be if there is a medication to cure stupidity in the U.S.


Also, I managed to find a picture of my host grandma so you can see her, it's a little fuzzy but you get the idea. This is Mariemme Welle, and this is actually what she does for much of the day. More recently she's been taking walks, very slowly to go visit her friends.

Respect for Elders

I wouldn’t say that I don’t have respect for elders. I will acknowledge right now that my grandparents have lived a lot longer than I have, have seen a lot more things, have lots more rich experiences and know a lot of things I don’t. I also love joking around with my grandparents, they love it when my sisters and I push the limits with our humor at the dinner table, but if they are wrong about something I’m going to let them know it.

Here, it just doesn’t happen like that. Elders are respected, you are not to talk back, debate or tell someone older than you that they are anything but perfect and right. I knew this but I got a little sloppy the other day and it came back to me. I have gotten in the habit of telling people they are rude. This is almost always in response to being called Tubab, Xonq a nop (red ears – a derogatory term for white person), or to someone who has told me that I don’t understand Wolof or French or any language for that matter (the Senegalese way of encouraging you).

At lunch the other day, my friend Sarah was over, Sarah studied in Dakar for a semester during college and therefore was way ahead the rest of our group when it came to Wolof. At lunch my host-grandma, who had been acting uncharacteristically obnoxious for a few days(I think because she had a guest), was speaking to Sarah and lapsed into Pulaar, her first language. When Sarah showed she didn’t understand host grandma says ‘Deggul Wolof, deggul Pulaar, deggul dara.’ Translated, ‘She doesn’t understand Wolof, she doesn’t understand Pulaar, she doesn’t understand anything.’ To which I respond, ‘Dem na université ci Dakar, degg na Wolof, yow, danga reew.’ Translated ‘She went to university in Dakar, she understands Wolof, and you, you’re rude.’ Nothing was said at the time but I heard later from my brother Guelaye that it’s not acceptable to talk to her like that.

This got me thinking. Could this cultural norm be standing in the way of development here? Of course it isn’t a huge factor, but if an elder tells you to do something a certain way, or not to do something, you must obey orders. How many elders are going to be telling young girls that they should join the football team or study instead of washing the clothes and preparing meals, how many elders are going to tell young boys to go study or read instead of helping in the fields. Since it seems to be pretty universal that older folks are more conservative than youth, I don’t think we are going to be seeing many grandparents encouraging kids to go above and beyond for education or encouraging girls to do things that aren’t within their traditional gender roles. I see more of an ‘I did it this way when I was your age, it’s good enough for you,’ mentality than anything else.

When I think about any sort of social advance or social revolution made in developed countries in the past couple hundred years, there was always some sort of disobedience involved, people saying ‘NO!’ to their elders and to the way their elders did things. I’m not saying it can’t happen here, but development will just be more difficult and slower with people adhering so strictly to the ‘Respect your elders’ norm.

Then and Now Part 2

Because the first installment was such a hit here are some more changes I've noticed in myself since I moved to Senegal;

Then: Contacts pretty much every day
Now: Glasses pretty much every day because of dryness, sand, etc.

Then: Jewish community was large part of my life, working at Maccabi USA, Camp Shalom and active with the Hillel.
Now: I pretty much AM the Jewish community here. There are a few Jewish volunteers in country but we don’t do much together.

Then: Would relish listening to or watching BBC news whenever I got the chance.
Now: BBC is my main source of news, listening to it every morning and sometimes more often. The only English programming I’ve found on the old short-wave radio are BBC, Voice of America (no thanks!), and a crap-load of Christian programs that are homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, and overall, not very pleasant to listen to.

Then: My life and surroundings were quite secular. I felt this way even though it seems like the separation of church and state is often in danger in today’s US.
Now: My life continues to be secular though my surroundings are anything but. Here, though it’s not an Islamic Republic like Mauritania, our neighbor to the north, 95% of the people I know here Muslim. People grow up praying 5 times per day, and just accepting Islam as their default, without question, so that is the way they live their lives.

Then: Washed and dried my clothes by machine
Now: My clothes are washed, by hand, by my family’s maid and I wash my unmentionables myself by hand, everything is dried on a line. I usually buy Marie (the maid) a little gift when she does my laundry. In the beginning washing clothes would leave my hands with sores from the rubbing but my hands are getting tougher now. This washing involves two basins of water and a bar of soap. One basin is used for washing and one for rinsing.

(Related)
Then: My socks got relatively clean, i.e. the white ones stayed more or less white.
Now: I can’t, for the life of me, get the stains from the dirt, some of it a pretty red color, out of my socks.

Then: Had a boyfriend, for quite a while actually
Now: Single, though I get marriage proposals daily

Then: Didn’t really get mistaken for anything, anyone I wasn’t
Now: Get mistaken for French, Arab, Chinese, sometimes they guess my nationality right.

Then: American pop, heavy metal, much of rap and country music I really preferred not to listen to.
Now: Get excited every time I hear American music, really anything that’s not Senegalese music. OK, most rap still sucks, I mean why don’t they send a more important message than money, sex and how bad-ass they are?

Then: Thought that Philadelphia was dirty
Now: Would eat off the streets of Philly, now Kaolack on the other hand, THAT’S dirty!

Then: Never really yelled at or hit other peoples’ kids. It’s practically a crime punishable by death in the US
Now: Yell at and sometimes hit the neighbor kids. It usually has to do with my bike; the bike that I’ve taken all the way to Dakar, twice, to be fixed. The kids start futzing around with the gears, I say – leave it alone, they don’t listen, I raise my voice and repeat, they still don’t listen, I yell – leave it alone! they still don’t listen, I smack a hand or the back of a head (hard enough to get them to stop it), they finally listen and laugh because I smacked them. No one has cried yet (like they do just about every time they are smacked by a relative) and the relatives and parents couldn’t care less – they probably think I should’ve done it a long time ago.

Then: Didn’t really have an opinion about most farm animals.
Now: Thinks pigs are disgusting, sheep are the stupidest animals on earth and that male goats should be castrated, actually I’d really like to be the one to castrate at least some of them.

Then: Didn’t think about grass very much
Now: ‘Ooh’ and ‘aah’ when I see it, like fireworks

Then: Drank actual milk, that comes from a cow
Now: Drink only powdered milk

Then: Thought the drivers in Philly were terrible
Now: Have a whole new scale to rate bad drivers

Then: Whenever I wanted anything, could pop into town, to the store and get it
Now: Have to wait 2 weeks or more for my parents (the only ones who send me anything L) to send it in a package - ok, sorry for the guilt trip.


For those of you wondering what this changed person looks like, here's a pick of me a few weeks ago, with my friend Sarah.


Please leave me comments to let me know what you think!

-B